We are young
by Anne04
Summary: A "what if" story, where Blair leaves for Paris in season one. Meeting Carter in the streets of Paris might not be the worst thing that could happen to Blair, as it turns out
1. Chapter 1

Blair isn't surprised when she sees Serena running towards her at the airfield. Honestly, she half expected Serena to try to stop her, and would probably have been disappointed if she had not. But her mind is made up.

"Stay" Serena says and it sounds more like a plea than a command. "Don't let these things make you run away like it did me. Like it does everybody in our world."

"Everything's horrible. My whole life is falling apart!"

"So rebuild it. You're a Waldorf, remember? People don't tell you who you are, you tell them. Stay and fight. I'll fight with you."

"I know, S, and I love you for it. But this isn't your fight and I'm sick of fighting."

"If this is about whatever horrible thing Chuck said…"

"It isn't." Blair half smiles but there are tears in her eyes. "Not anymore. It's about me needing to figure this thing out. It made you better."

"No it just meant it was a while longer before I had to look my problems in the eye" Serena counters. "Please don't go."

"I'm sorry S, but I have to. I'll write you and you'll come visit, right?"

Serena knows a losing battle when she's faced with one and finally gives up. "I'll miss you so so much" she whispers and now there are tears in her eyes as well. "I'll come as soon as I can! Give my love to Harold and Roman."  
>Blair rolls her eyes but readily accepts the hug and gets on the helicopter, ready to start her new life far away from the UES and Gossip Girl.<p>

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><p>The first week in France is weird, but Blair tells herself weird can be good and she can learn to like (and maybe love) Roman and she definitely likes Cat and her new room and the quiet. Harold has enrolled her in a classy private school not to far away and offered to go shopping with her in Paris before she starts, but she knows he wont be able to and so she decides to go alone. Alone is good, she tells herself, she needs alone after the whole debacle with Nate and Chuck and Little J and urgh even their names make her want to throw up. She uses her anger as motivation and before noon she has ripped her daddy's credit card through every high-class store she has come in contact with. She is just telling herself how nice it is to not know anyone when a familiar face stands out in the crowd.<p>

"Well hello beautiful" he greets her with a smirk not unlike Chuck's and she has to forcibly stop herself from grinding her teeth.

"Carter Baizen. I thought you were doing Asia at the moment?"

He laughs at her thinly veiled insult. "I'm done with Asia, it made me itch."

"So you decided to come to Paris?"

The smile is replaced by the smirk. "Well, my parents made it clear they weren't ready to see me in New York so I had to choose the next best thing."

Blair scoffs. Everyone knows it wasn't the elder Baizen's that disowned Carter; it was Carter that discarded his parents in lieu of hard partying, easy women and globetrotting. She figures he's seen more of the world by now than Phineas Fogg. "What are you doing here?"

"Living. You?" She suddenly blushes and realizes that because she hadn't expected to meet anyone from her old life, she hasn't worked up any excuses for her presence in France. "I'm pretty sure the term at Constance has already started."

"I don't go to Constance anymore" she snips.

"Oh is that so?" The smirk widens. "That wouldn't have anything to do with that unfortunate situation with Nate and Chuck?"

"How did you?" She gasps. "Honestly Carter, you're what, twenty, and you still read Gossip Girl?"

"Force of habit" he laughs. "Now come on, troublegirl, I'll buy you a coffee."

"Why?"

"Because us ousted UES'ers need to stick together" he says and somehow that's enough to convince her to take his arm and let him lead her to the nearest little charming coffee shop.

Her afternoon with Carter is surprisingly pleasant, considering its Carter and he darts every person question she throws at him. In the end she opts to throw caution to the wind and tells him everything that happened between her and Nate and Chuck and all the wrong choices she made and she spends almost an hour ranting about that horrible little blond Brooklyn-badger Jenny Humphrey and how everything is really her fault.

Carter just let's her ramble on and on without interrupting her and when she's finally done he just hold her hand for a moment and tells her that everything will be alright in the end and she's actually inclined to believe him.

School in France is different, as Blair quickly discovers. There are no Queen B's but lots of mean girls and she gets her first taste before she has even put her books in her locker, as someone walks by and calls her "American Trash". The school uniform is also quite bad and goes horrible with her complexion, but she tells herself she can manage; this is a fresh start and she'll be damned is she lets it slip past her.

She cheeks Gossip Girl after her first day of school, just out of habit. There are lots of posts regarding her and asking people to look for her. Serena has apparently alluded to her leaving for Dubai and she loves the crazy blonde a little more for that. Nate and Chuck are already best friends again and she snorts a little at that. Maybe they can bond over their mutual disgust of her?

Serena writes and emails and calls her almost obsessively and she likes to still know what's going on in her old world without actually being involved. Things between Serena and Dan are good and she spends a lot of time gushing over him, which makes Blair feel a little sick, but whatever… Serena's happy and she's happy for them. It's no surprise, however, that her absence has left quite the empty shoes and someone needs to fill them because there has to be a Queen B at Constance's. It's also nu surprise that Little Jenny Humphrey is vying hard for the role. Blair rolls her eyes at that; she'll learn eventually. A Queen doesn't come from Brooklyn.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for the alerts, reviews and whatnot. That was pretty much just awesomely amazing.**

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><p><strong>A holly jolly christmas<strong>

It's two months almost to the date when Blair sees Carter again. She's Christmas shopping with Roman, who she has quite surprisingly formed a bond with. Roman is busy gushing about a pair of shoes he's gonna buy for Harold, when she sees him on the other side of the street. He has his arm slung carelessly over a blond girl's shoulders and they're smiling at something. She figures it's one of his many euro-trash girls and pushes him out of her mind for the time being. It's not like they're friends or anything, they just talked for an hour of so that one time. But of course Roman sees her watching him and almost yells who she's looking at, catching Carter's attention as well, because there are not a lot of people speaking English with a French accent in Paris. He smiles and leads the blonde across the street with him.

"Hey beautiful" he greets, apparently not concerned about how the blonde bombshell under his arm might feel about such a statement.

"Carter" she says with a tight smile. "This is Roman, my…" She scrunches her nose, looking for the right word. What is Roman, exactly? She's not sure she wants to call him stepdad just yet.

"I'm a friend of her father's" Roman politely says.

Carter just nods; there's no way he hasn't heard about Harold Waldorf eloping with a French male model. "This is Brigitte" he introduces without saying anything about their relationship or whatever they have. It annoys Blair how annoyed at this she is.

"Well, we best be getting on" she says, still smiling tightly and almost pushes Roman down the street, away from Carter and that French Barbie. Seeing them so happy together makes her want to throw candy canes at kids.

* * *

><p>"Blair met a friend today" Roman announces happily as they sit at the dinner table that same night.<p>

"Is that so" Harold inquires with a smile. "Who?"

Blair suddenly feels a little on the spot. Her father never liked Chuck and it's a guarantee he won't like the person who taught Chuck to be Chuck. "Carter Baizen" she answers finally.

Harold raises an eyebrow. "That's Henry Baizen's son, right? The one who's been travelling?"

"Yeah" she says, looking at her asparagus.

"Hmm… Is he living in Paris now?"

"Yes."

"Doing what?"

Blair is about to reply and then recalls that she honestly has no idea. She scrunches her nose, looking for a suitably answer but she can't seem to find one. "I'm not sure." Harold shrugs and makes a comment about her inviting him over one day, while Blair scowls and promises herself that she'll find out exactly what Carter is doing in Paris.

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><p>She spends the next few days thinking over the possibilities of Carter's living situation, because honestly, there's not a lot else for her to do in France without any friends. Sure, she's made acquaintances like Julianne and Madeline and Louisa, but it's superficial and they all know it. She can talk to them about clothes and school and gossip about the social scene in Paris, which she is not a part of (she can't decide if she's happy about that or not). But she misses Serena and even Nate and Chuck sometimes, even though she doesn't like to dwell on it.<p>

For now she'll have to settle for Julianne, Madeline and Louisa. She's not the Queen, if anything that would be Madeline, but she's a part of the better crowd and she can still rule a little.

Five days before Christmas she decides to call him. She doesn't even know how she has his number, but figures it's some kind of UES thing where everyone knows everyone and how to get in contact with them. So she calls, not too sure on what's she gonna say, but maybe he won't answer.

"Yes?"

"It's Blair." It comes out more forward than she wanted, almost like a command. "Blair Waldorf" she adds for good measure.

"I know which Blair" he says and she can almost see the smile on his lips. "What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering… Are you free for lunch tomorrow?"

"For you, sure. Where?"

"Le Deux Magots" she says instantly. "At two."

"Alright."

She hangs up before he can say anymore.

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><p>"What are you doing here?"<p>

"Well hello to you too, beautiful" he greets her with a smile. "I'm meeting you. You called me, remember?"

"I don't mean _here_ here, I mean, what are you doing in Paris" she asks almost angrily.

The smile slips as he leans back in the chair and runs a hand through his hair. "I'm studying."

"What, exactly? French Barbies?"

"Law actually. At Sorbonne."

It feels like her jaw might just have dropped all the way to China and she stares at him completely shocked. If he had told her he was singing in the metro for a living she would have been less surprised. Although really, maybe it shouldn't have surprised her that someone with that personality would become a lawyer.

"I got into a little trouble in Bangkok a while ago." She raises an eyebrow at that. "Okay, a lot of trouble" he says before ordering a cup of coffee (black, no sugar or milk) and Blair orders a cappuccino. "It looked pretty bleak for a while and I didn't have the financial means to make it go away. Surprisingly, my father stepped in and fixed it for me, on the promise I returned to New York with him. So I did. Only" he makes a face, "I couldn't really follow his rules and I was cut off. So I decided to screw over some of my rich and stupid friends…"

"Nate."

"Yeah good old Nate. About as naive as he's pretty" Carter says with a sardonic smile. "Well, obviously my father found out and we made a new deal."

"What kind of deal?"

"He doesn't ship me back to Bangkok where some not so friendly people are waiting for me, and I stay out of trouble and continue my education."

"Continue?" She snorts. "As if you ever started."

"Blair, you can believe what you want but I did actually manage to get a pretty decent education from St. Jude's and I've taken classes here and there after that. So yes, I continue my education and I don't get shipped off to white slavery."

"Why France?"

He shrugs a little and thanks the waitress with a smooth _merci_ when she arrives with their orders. "Because I've burned bridges almost everywhere else and I speak the language. Italy would have been okay, I suppose, and Germany as well. Spain would have been a bit more challenging, I never fully got down the grammar. And London is too much like New York, so Paris was an obvious choice."

"You speak German?"

"Blair, is that really all you got from that little story?"

"No!" She sounds offended.

"Now you know."

"Why did you cheat Nate?"

"Because I could" he answers honestly. "And I needed the money."

"Hmm…" She takes a sip of her coffee and lets him observe her for a moment. She figures she should be more angry about him screwing with both Nate and Chuck (and not even offering an apology for it), but she's still angry with both of them and it's not like either of them have called to make amends, so she lets it go. Maybe they deserved it. "Who's Brigitte?"

She wants to slap the smirk of his face and he takes a long sip of his coffee just to annoy her. "She's… a friend." Blair raises her eyebrow again and gives him the infamous Blair-glare. He relents with a smile. "My girlfriend, actually."

It should feel like a victory, making him admit that, but it doesn't and she's not sure if she's comfortable going down this route, so she changes the topic. "You like it here?"

"Surprisingly, yes. I've made a few friends and while my father's idea of living grand is somewhat different than mine, I get by." He observes her a moment. "How about you? France must be quite the change."

"I get by" she mimics with a tight smile. It's close enough to the truth, anyway. She already feels like he knows too much, either from Gossip Girl or from herself blabbering about all that was wrong in her life when they met last time.

"Oh I have no doubt" he says with a smile. "Blair Waldorf is a survivor."

"Yes. She is" she agrees.

He gives her another smile before standing up. "Well, in case you should need a little company, stop by." He pushes a napkin into her hand and kisses her cheek, lingering a moment longer than what is considered proper. She stares at the napkin, not sure how to react, but he's already gone when she looks up.

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><p>She spends Christmas with her father, Roman and Cat. It's not exactly traditional but there are no fights, no snide comments about the amount of food she consumes (which is more than usual) and the presents are wonderful. Eleanor doesn't call, but Blair hadn't really expected her to and there's a card with her present, so she figures that will do. There's no present from Serena, even though Blair mailed hers two weeks ago and the disappointment is hard to swallow. She accepts it in the end, as a part of her flaky friend's personality. Serena forgets things, that's just how she is. It doesn't mean she doesn't love her.<p>

Blair's thoughts are put to shame, however, when Serena shows up on their doorstep the morning of the day after Christmas, wearing the biggest coat Blair has ever seen, arms full of presents she immediately drops to give her best friend a big hug. "I missed you" she squeals and envelops Blair in a bear-hug.

"I missed you too" Blair says, hugging back with equal force.

Serena stay for three days, three wonderful days where they shop, gossip and watch bad Christmas movies. It feels almost soothing to have Serena back, even if it's on borrowed time. When she leaves it feels like she takes a piece of Blair with her.

Harold and Roman try their best to cheer her up and she knows she can't stay in this funk forever because it was her own choice to come here and leave everything of her old world behind. She finds herself staring at the crumpled napkin Carter gave her more often than she would like and in the end she decides maybe it wouldn't be so bad to go visit him in Paris. _He_ invited _her_, after all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Crazy Stupid Blair**

The new year rolls around with anything that entails, but somehow everything stays the same. She's starting to get used to France and thinks that maybe this is where she's meant to be. Here, no one expects her to be a certain way; her daddy just wants her to be happy and do well at school and Roman probably feels the same way. There's no Eleanor to give her reprimanding looks, no Serena to outshine her, no Nate to make her feel constantly inadequate and no Chuck to make her hate herself. It's freeing and she should feel happy, but she's not! The napkin with Carter's address, which she has analyzed more times than she likes to admit (he has a very nice hand writing for a guy and he lives in a rather modest neighborhood – not that she's googled it or anything), is now lying on her bedside table. Last week it was in her underwear drawer (even Blair could admit that that was just plain wrong), on her desk, in her day planer, in the freezer (to be honest she forgot it there while looking for a little B&J love after a particular nasty day in school) and in her purse. And now there it is, next to her bed, just starring at her. The letters were almost worn off and the napkin itself almost in tatters. It didn't really matter though, seeing as she had learned the address by heart before New Years Eve. Her only pause in this unhealthy napkin-obsession was when Serena visited. The napkin had spent its time in the rice jar in the kitchen drawer during that visit.

February is nearing and she isn't closer to a decision about what to do about Carter. She had maybe for a short time a small, teensy crush on him when she was about thirteen and he was almost sixteen and the Prince of Manhattan. He had never noticed her, though. A year later, he did notice Serena, however. She tries not to think too much about that, or the fact that his current girlfriend Brigitte is like the French version of Serena. Carter obviously has a type and Blair doesn't really seem to fit the picture.

When January turns to February Harold starts noticing her mood has been rapidly decreasing ever since Serena left. He offers to buy her ticket to go home, but she declines. Going home still isn't an option. She hasn't spoken to Nate or Chuck for months and she's even stopped checking Gossip Girl for updates on them. It hurts too much that they just moved on so quickly. Sometimes Serena will slip a tidbit about one of them into one of her many letters or emails, but mostly she just blabbers about Dan and how wonderful and cute and observing and caring and did she mention wonderful, he is. It makes Blair want to put her head in a blender!

And then there are those nights when she finishes reading one of the countless letters or emails and just want the same thing that Serena has. Not Dan, obviously, because ew! But someone who loves her with the same passion and is attentive to her needs and doesn't mind when she's being difficult. Because yes, Blair Waldorf is difficult sometimes and she doesn't mind admitting that.

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><p>The days before Valentines Day are spent talking about dresses and dates with Julianne, Madeline and Louisa. Blair doesn't have a date. She's enrolled in an all-girls school and just hasn't bothered to socialize enough with the all-boys school not too far away from her school. She figures it's probably for the best, seeing as she's clearly obsessing over Carter Baizen and measures any guy to Chuck and Nate. They all fall short.<p>

"Blair, you should have a date" Madeline tells her in her heavy-accented English. All the girls refuse to speak French with her, claiming her French is simply too barbarian to understand, which is a complete lie, but a rather effective way to humiliate her. Blair can't really fault them though; she would have done the same thing in their sitaution.

Blair just shrugs and smiles when Louise exits the dressing room wearing what looks like the tablecloth of dresses.

"C'est magnifigue" Julianne breathes and they all squeal. Blair just rolls her eyes. She's saved the trouble of finding something positive to say about the "dress" when her phone rings. She's pretty sure her heart stops for a moment when Carter's name flashes on the screen.

"Excuse me ladies" she says with a wide smile and leaves the store. She'd rather freeze to death outside then let them overheard her conversation with Carter. "Hello."

"Hey beautiful."

"How do you know I'm not lying in my bed with a fever" she ponders.

"Blair, you'd be beautiful even if you had boils."

"Ew!" She can her him laugh on the other end. "What do you want?"

"Can't a guy just call and check in on his favorite girl?"

"_He_ could" she says, "But not you…"

"Well, you never took me up on my offer…"

"What offer?"

"Of visiting me. I'm very hurt!"

"Sure you are." Secretly, she really hopes he's telling the truth.

"So maybe I should come visit you?"

"What?"

"Yeah, you know… I've heard there's some very pretty sights in your area."

Blair almost scoffs. Almost, because deep down she really wants him to come and see her. And maybe show him off a little bit, even though he has a girlfriend. "And when would you do that?"

It sounds like he shuffling some papers around. "How about the fourteenth?"

Now she does scoff. "The fourteenth is Valentines Day, Carter!"

"Really? They do that here?"

"Trust me, I'm helping Dumb, Dumber and Insipid pick out dresses right now."

"So I guess that's a no then?"

"What about Brigitte?"

"Okay, how about the thirteenth then?"

"That's tomorrow" she points out, ignoring the fact that he completely ignored her request of Brigitte. She doesn't care anyway.

"I'm aware" he tells her.

"Don't you have classes?"

"I'm homeschooling myself at the moment."

"Aha."

"So…. Yes or no?"

"If I said yes, what am I saying yes to?"

"Me, driving down, taking you out for dinner and a little sightseeing. That's it."

"Fine. Pick me up from school at four" she tells him and hangs up before she can tell him something stupid, like keeping that stupid napkin next to her underwear!

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><p>Her stomach is in knots for most of the next day. She barely notices Julianne, Madeline and Louisa's idle chitchat about their dates and when the school bell finally rings at four, she thinks she might just throw up. She exits the school, not really sure what to expect. Outside are the usual town cars and SUV's waiting to pick up the students and at first she thinks Carter might just be playing a trick on her. And then Louisa gaps and starts blabbering a million miles per hour about some guy and a motorcycle and holy mother "Carter" she yells. He's waiting for her in the midst of all the cars, leaning against what looks to be a really expensive and really fast motorcycle. Blair reminds herself that in the future she needs to be very clear on what "driving down" means!<p>

She ignores the three stoogettes and walks up to him. "A motorcycle."

He makes a face. "Blair, this is Ducatti! That's not just a motorcycle!"

"I don't care if it's a gold covered pumpkin, I'm not getting on that!"

"Are you gonna run next to it?"

"No!"

"Then you'll get on" he tells her, handing her a helmet.

She's just about to launch into a tirade about all the reasons why she is most certainly not getting on that thing, when he suddenly smiles and she notices he has dimples. "Don't be difficult, Blair. Get on and I'll take you for a ride of your life!"

She's so distracted by his words she doesn't even protest when he squeezes the dome-like helmet down on her head and gets on the bike. Dumbly, she gets on behind him and she's pretty sure she can hear Julianne, Madeline and Louisa squeal something before Carter turns a key and the engine roars to life and drowns out anything else.

When Carter finally stops outside a small restaurant, Blair isn't sure she's actually able to get off the bike. She somehow manages, stumbling a little and then Carter is steading her and helping her get the helmet off. "So" he asks with a smile.

"I'm never doing that again" she pants.

"Yeah, I kinda got that from the deathgrip you had on me. I think you might have cracked a rib!"

"Oh boh freaking ho" she yells. "Why the hell are you driving that deathtrap?"

"Because it pisses off my dad and it's the only thing I've ever bought for myself. Now, you still want to get something to eat or do you just want to yell at me in the street?"

She scowls at him, but at that exact moment her stomach betrays her and growls loudly.

"I'll take that as a yes to dinner" he says with a smirk and holds the door open for her as she enters the small restaurant, scowling at him the entire time.

Somehow, he manages to make her forget that she's angry about forcing her on the bike and they have a nice dinner together. He's still almost ridiculously arrogant, she finds, especially when talking about his old life in New York and their mutual acquaintances, but he's more humble when she asks him about his life in Paris. He has a few friends now, lives in a small (by their standards) apartment and spent Christmas alone, which makes Blair sad and guilty at the same time. She met him before Christmas; she should have invited him to spend it with them, however weird that might have been. But he claims to be fine with it and spent the time catching up on schoolwork and such things. She asks why he didn't just go home for the holidays and he seems to ponder that for a moment.

"Because I wanted to punish my parents, I think" he then tells her honestly. "I might be living on the straight and narrow like my dad wants me to, but that doesn't mean I like it."

"You seem to be doing well" she notices.

"Yeah well, no one likes to be told what to do, not even if it's in their own best interest. Did you have a nice holiday?"

"Yes. Serena visited." She wants to bide her tongue for letting that slip. No need to remind Carter of her supermodel sex on legs best blonde friend.

He smiles a little. "How is Serena?"

"Dating a plebian from Brooklyn."

"Is that so?"

"Do you miss her" Blair finally asks, because there's no point obsessing over a guy who's obsessing over Serena. That's so last season!

"Sometimes. She definitely knew how to party, but… I hope we've both moved on. From the little bits I actually do remember, we weren't exactly…"

"Safe to be around" Blair offers gamely.

"Something like that" he chuckles.

"How is Brigitte?"

"She's fine, thank you."

"How did you two meet?"

"She stole my coffee in a Starbucks one morning."

"Seriously?"

"I'm afraid so."

"What does she do?"

"Spends her dad's money, most of the time. I don't think there's a technical term for that yet." He looks at his watch. "Well, I should probably head back to the city of lights. I have a big night tomorrow."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, cramming for finals with some guys from my corporate law class." He offers her another dimple-infested smile that makes her feel a little wobbly. "I trust you'll get back safely?"

"A lot more safely then you" she says, scowling at the evil bike parked outside.

He pays the bill and offers to wait until Harold comes to pick her up. When they spot the black Mercedes, he kisses her on the cheek. "I meant what I said, Blair. Don't be a stranger, okay? Stop by whenever you like."

"Okay" she promises without actually thinking about it.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Yay reviews! I love reviews! They're like crack to me, so thank you for indulging my bad habits. Hope you keep 'em coming. ****Someone mentioned in the reviews that it was disappointing that Blair wasn't higher on the social ladder, so I thought I'd just address that quickly: In my opinion Blair suffered a major blow to her self-esteem after the whole Nate and Chuck debacle. Then she moves to a different country to start over. Being the new girl isn't easy (speaking from experience here), so I don't think she'd automatically start out on top at her new school. However, you can't keep a Waldorf down for long and she'll be back in full Blair-mode soon. I hope you'll all accept that explanation. Have a nice weekend.**

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><p><strong>Friends without benefits<strong>

The morning after their dinner, Blair wakes up feeling better than she has in months and before she leaves for school, she decides to wear a headband. She hasn't worn one of them since coming to France. Madeline gives her a strange look when they sit down in class for history but doesn't' say anything and Blair just smiles. She feels better already. It doesn't matter she doesn't have a date for Valentines Day, who cares about that anyway. Harold and Roman are taking her out to dinner and it'll probably be some placer better than any place these stupid French boys could ever afford. It's the new and improved Blair, she tells herself as she starts taking notes.

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><p>"So Blair" how is school" Harold asks as they sit down for dinner at one of Blair's favorite restaurants in Paris.<p>

"Good" Blair tells him with a smile. "We have a test in history on Friday I'm sure I'll ace."

"Good girl" Harold says proudly. "Did you have a nice time with your friend yesterday?"

"Yes, very" Blair says honestly.

"That's nice. Was it Madeline?"

"No, not Madeline" Blair answers non-committedly, stabbing her salad with a little more force than required.

"Oh, Louise?"

"No" she says with a shrug.

"Blair" her father says seriously. "Who did you see yesterday? Was it a boy?" He's using his lawyer voice, which is impossible to lie to.

"It was Carter" she tells him, looking at the salad. It doesn't look too appetizing anymore.

"Carter Baizen?" She nods. "I didn't know you two were so close."

"Well, we're not" Blair says slowly. "He just called and asked if I wanted to go do something together." She deliberately omits the fact that she had lunch with him not too long ago as well.

"Oh like a date" Roman says with a smile, clearly not grasping the seriousness of the situation.

"No!" Blair lowers her voice a little when a couple nearby turns to stare at her. "It was just… casual…" She shrugs a little. "He has a girlfriend."

"And what exactly is Carter doing these days?"

"He goes to school in Paris" Blair says.

"Really?" Harold looks pleasantly surprised for a moment. "His parents must be very happy about that."

Blair looks at her polished nails. She's not really comfortable with the topic; there's just something about Carter that makes her feel weird. Essentially, he's not a very nice person, he's done bad things, vile things to people she loves (even if those said people are right now not on speaking terms with her), but somehow he makes her smile and feel a little bit better about herself. It's a weird thing, she decides, and stores it for further exploration some time later when she's not sitting in the middle of an expensive restaurant with her father and his boyfriend. Subtly she changes the topic to American politics, which has always been the best way to distract her father.

* * *

><p>Blair texts Carter on her way home. Just a simple "hey, what are you doing" text and immediately regrets it. If he doesn't answer she isn't sure what to do. He does, however, and it only takes him a few minutes.<p>

"Stuck with Simon and Marcel, studying for a test. They're not as pretty as you to look at."

She drops her phone, making Roman turn around in his seat to look at her. "Blair, are you alright?"

"Yes, of course" she smiles and gingerly picks up the phone, re-reading the text. Generally, Blair doesn't like cheaters. Nate cheated on her with Serena and even though she's forgiven them both a long time ago, the thought about their betrayal still burns. She isn't sure how she's supposed to feel about Carter having a girlfriend. He never talks about her, which makes it too easy for Blair to forget about her. Or maybe he's just trying to be friendly and she's reading too much into it?

"I wear Chanel Allure. Now they can smell like me" she texts back, feeling a little girlish. She's not sure what they're doing really qualifies at flirting, but it feels like more than just friendly texting.

"Marcel said no, Simon said he'd prefer something from Ralph Lauren. Not sure what that means" he texts her back, making her smile a little.

"Guess you're stuck with them" she writes.

"Come visit in the weekend and make me feel better."

Blair contemplates for a moment. It would be easy to just forget about everything and go see him, but then that burning feeling returns and even Blair Waldorf can't make someone else (at least not someone who's never done anything to deserve it) feel that way. "What about Brigitte" she texts him, not sure what answer she would like most.

"Forget about her" Carter writes her and Blair makes up her mind in an instant. "See you on Saturday. Good luck with the test."

* * *

><p>She has a strange feeling she's floating on a pink cloud the next few days. She's stopped speaking English in school, which is slowly but surely forcing the other girls to speak French to her as well. She's also noted a few hairbands in the sea of people milling about the halls of her school. That makes her smile as well.<p>

Now that they're not complete obsessed about Valentine's Day, Madeline, Louisa and Julianne are firing questions at her left and right about Carter. She doesn't tell them much; just that he's an old friend from New York and that he took her out for dinner. They don't need to know anymore for now. She hasn't told Serena anything yet; mostly because it's a little bit weird that she and Serena seem to share all the men in their lives and also because she doesn't really need a lecture about how Carter is a bad guy and she should stay away.

* * *

><p>Saturday she shows up on his doorstep at precisely eleven o'clock, unannounced. She twitches nervously when she knocks on the door, straightening the dress a little at the hem. She puts on her best smile as the door opens and a somewhat disshelved and sleepy-looking Carter appears. "Morning beautiful" he mutters, opening the door all the way and lets her in.<p>

"It's eleven" she tells him with disdain.

"Like I said, morning…"

"Some habits die hard, I guess" she mutters, looking around at his apartment. It's an open floor concept and rather small compared to what she's used to, and sparsely furnished. It is however a lot more tidy than she imagined (not that she's spent anytime imagining his apartment, that is). Nate was a complete slacker when it came to cleaning up and more often that not he would simply just pick something up from the floor and put it on. Chuck always had maids in and out his room so it was only naturel that it looked clean. Carter's apartment looks lived in, but neat somehow. There's a cup of coffee standing on the kitchen counter and a few books are lying on the dining table along with a laptop and some papers.

"Like what you see" Carter asks behind her. He picks up the cup of coffee and leans against the counter.

"It just isn't what I expected" she tells him honestly.

"It was this or the crackhouse down the street. My dad didn't feel like supporting my less then humble lifestyle, apparently."

"No, it's nice" Blair says quickly. "Cozy."

"Claustrophobic" he counters with a smile. "Can I get you anything."

"No thanks." She suddenly feels both awkward and self-conscious standing in the middle of his apartment.

"Alright. I'm actually heading out to meet some friends."

"Oh…" Blair forces herself to smile at him. "Well, don't let me stop you, I was thinking about doing some shopping and maybe go see…"

"Don't be difficult Blair, you're coming" he tells her with a laugh. "It'll be fun."

"I'm not so sure about that…"

"Of course it will." He's still smiling. "And I can prove that I do actually know how to behave like a human being and make friends."

In the end, Blair relents. Carter has changed into a pair of jogging pants or something akin to that, and a green polo, making Blair somewhat worried about who these friends are and what they're planning on doing. When he picks up an extra pair of shoes from his closet, she's sure she should have just insisted on going shopping.

"Come on beautiful, the park's just around the corner." He grabs her hand and drags her down the steps and out onto the streets of Paris.

Carter wasn't lying, the park literally is just around the corner and it would seem that his friends are already there, waiting for him.

"You're late" one of them says.

"You're early" Carter counters in smooth French.

"Who's the girl" another asks, looking at Blair.

"This is Blair" Carter tells him. "A friend from New York." He lets go of her hand. "Where's Simon?"

"More late than you" one of them says.

"Blair, this is Marcel" Carter introduces her to a black guy who looks about seven feet tall. He gives a big smile. "And Henri, Ilan and Nic." She smiles a little at the three other guys. Someone clears their throat behind them and Carter smiles. "And the lovely Elise" he says, kissing the beautiful blond girl on the cheek.

"Thank god you've brought a girl" she says, smiling at Blair. "I was afraid I would be stuck here all by my self, watching you." She holds out a hand to Blair. "I'm Elise, Marcel's girlfriend."

"Blair" she says, shaking the hand. "A friend of Carter's."

"Yes I heard. From New York, yes? Would you prefer to speak English?"

"Blair probably speaks better French then all of you" Carter says, sitting down next to Nic. Blair gives him a questioning look as he starts to take off his shoes.

"We're playing soccer" he tells her with a smile.

"Yes and it's so boring to watch" Elise says with a displeased look. "I only come because Marcel promised to take me out to dinner later."

"Finally, Simon honors us with his presence" Marcel yells at the last of their gathering joins them. Simon is the same height as Carter, with blond hair and striking blue eyes.

"You're all early" he calls in a somewhat choppy French.

"Come, let the boys play" Elise says, taking Blair's hand and leading her to a bench. "They're no fun when they're like this."

Blair sits down on the bench with the blond girl because she's not sure what other choices she has. "How long have you known Carter?"

Elise smiles. "Some time. Marcel started to drag him around too everything and we became friends. He's very funny, I think. How do you know him?"

"We go back" Blair says, looking at Carter as he gets up with the others and the game starts. It's weird seeing him like this, when she's so used to him in a suit, back in New York, scheming and doing things she wouldn't even say out loud when she's alone.

"Do you live here in Paris?"

"No I live with my father outside the city."

"Ah. I didn't think I'd seen you around either. You should come to dinner with us afterwards."

"I don't know what Carter's plans are."

"For a beautiful girl like you, I'm sure he will change them in a heartbeat" Elise says with a brilliant smile, reminding Blair of Serena.

Their attention is turned to the game, when one of the boys yells out something. Simon and Carter are both lying in the grass. "Idiot" Simon yells. "Du konnte nicht sehen wohin ich ging?"

"Es ist nicht meine Schuld, dass du auf deine eigenen Beine gestolpert" Carter defends himself. Blair has no idea what they're saying but they both sound angry.

"Carter, du bist ein verdammter Idiot! Du hast Glück du bist so schön." Simon laughs and they both get up from the grass.

"What just happened" Blair asks.

"They probably ran into each other" Elise says. "It happens more often than it should." When Blair still looks confused, she smiles. "Simon is German, when he gets angry he yells and shouts in German like a little girl. Carter likes to indulge him because he's German too."

"Carter's not German" Blair scoffs. "He's like third generation New Yorker."

Elise shrugs. "Then he speaks it very well."

The two girls sit and talk about fashion and movies while the guys play soccer. Blair finds she actually quite likes Elise. She's an anthropology major and loves fashion and unlike Serena, she has a very clear life plan. Blair finds that strangely refreshing. They talk about how she and Marcel met and where all the good shopping places in Paris are and she asks a lot of questions about New York and how Blair knows Carter (Blair finds Elise's big smile a bit suspicious, but doesn't say anything). Before Blair even realizes it, the game is over and Carter is standing in front of her, smiling and sweating.

"You look gross" she tells him, but it's hard not to smile back.

"And you look beautiful as always. Why don't we head back so I can get a shower and then go out for dinner?"

"I invited Blair to come with Marcel and me" Elise says. "You're welcome too, of course."

"Wow thanks Elise, you're too kind" Carter says sarcastically.

"I know" she sing-songs in her charming French. "But you are right, Blair is so much more beautiful than you, maybe I will just take her and you and Marcel can go shower."

"Nice try, but Blair promised me the day" Carter counters. "Figure something out with Marcel and we'll go out some other time."

"Hm, if it must be that way." Elise smiles at Blair. "It was so nice to meet you. I will see you soon." At this she gives Carter a significant look before she turns to kiss Blair on the cheek and runs off to find Marcel.

"So, what do you think?"

"I think you're in serious need of that shower!"

He laughs. "No, about Elise?"

"She's nice. How did you learn to speak German?"

"Ah, you heard that?"

"I think the whole park heard that."

"Simon's sore loser." He makes a face. "My granddad is from Germany. He fled during the war and came to New York. So the whole family speaks German because the old man pretty much refuses to speak English with us."

"How many languages do you speak, exactly?"

"Just these three. I can get by on Spanish, but I wouldn't recommend going there on holiday with me. What?"

Blair shakes herself out of her reverie. "It's just so weird, seeing you like this?"

"What, sweaty?"

"No, good! You used to be so…"

"Deplorable?"

"Well, yes" she says honestly, because there's really no other way to describe Carter's past actions. "And now you're just so changed."

"I am studying to become a lawyer, so there's still a little Carter left in here somewhere."

"My dad's a lawyer" Blair scolds.

"I know…"

"But I'm serious. You speak German, go to school, play soccer…. It's weird… Do you tutor disabled kids in your spare time?"

"No, but I'm a part of an intercity mentor program for troubled youths."

Blair stops dead in her tracks to look at him. "Really?"

"No" he laughs at her facial expression. "Of course not. No program would even want me to do something like that, I'd just teach them where to get the really good stuff and how to refill their dads' liqueur cabinets." He puts a sweaty arm around her. "Don't worry, Waldorf, I can still be bad when I want to."

* * *

><p>Roman picks her up later that evening. Carter and Blair never made it out to dinner, instead opting to stay at the small apartment and watching a movie (of Blair's choice). Carter offers some leftover quiche and then proceeds to mock her choice of movie for the rest of the time.<p>

"Did you have a nice time" Roman asks, as she slips into the black Mercedes.

"Yes very" Blair says with a smile.

"Ah you like this boy" Roman notes with a smile.

Blair shrugs a little. "We're friends."

"Maybe more" Roman hints, his smile getting bigger.

"I don't know. I'm not sure he's interested."'

"In a beautiful girl like you? Blair, he would be a fool otherwise."

Blair smiles a little. "Thank you, Roman."

"Actually… My god friend Justice needs a beautiful girl like you."

"Excuse me?"

"He's a designer and there's a show next weekend."

"I don't think that's such a good idea" Blair tells him, feeling her mood change rapidly.

"Of course it is. His line is for girls like you, you would be perfect. And Harold says you've modeled for your mother."

Blair doesn't have the courage to tell him just what a disaster her brief modeling-career actually was, so she just smiles a little.

"Oh he will love you" Roman assures and Blair can feel her smile stretch almost painfully. Maybe if she's lucky she'll develop the bird flu before next Friday?


	5. Chapter 5

**Is there somebody who still believes in love**

Blair continues her somewhat obsessive texting with Carter all through the week, debating whether she should tell him about the fashion show or not. If she tells him, he'll probably offer to show up and support him, which would be nice. Downside is, if she makes a fool of herself, he'll be there to witness it, which is a pretty big downside. Wednesday she gives up and calls Serena, who knows a lot more about both fashion shows and men then Blair probably ever will.

"B, I miss you" Serena squeals into the phone. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, I miss you too" Blair says. "How is everything?"

"Like always, Nate is in his perpetual funk and Chuck is doing something gross. Dan is…"

"I actually called because I need your advise" Blair interrupts, not in the mood for another "oh Dan is just so amazing" speech from Serena. Seriously, how amazing can someone from Brooklyn be?

"Ooooh, this sounds exciting. What's up?"

"Well…. I met this guy…"

"B, that's amazing" Serena gushes so loudly that Blair has to remove the phone from her ear. "Is he some French hottie?"

Blair is just about to say no, then rethinks. She is not ready to admit that it's Carter Baizen and certainly not that she might just like him a little bit. "Yes" she lies.

"That's just great B, you really deserve it. So, what's the problem?"

"No problem" Blair answers in a high-pitched voice. "Just…" She takes a deep breath. "Roman sort of forced me into this stupid fashion show thing on Friday and I'm not sure if I should invite him or not."

"Well, what do you feel like?"

"I feel like I don't want to make an ass out of myself in front of him!"

"Blair…. Forget about all that crap Eleanor's people said. You'll be wonderful!"

"So I should ask him to come?"

"Definitely" Serena tells her. "Tell me about him!"

"Um, he's just…. Nice."

"Nice?"

"Very nice!"

"Blair…"

"Well, he is" she says defensively. "I don't know, he makes me feel good and he's funny and he's not Chuck or Nate."

"Definite plus in his book" Serena laughs. "What's his name?"

"Ca…" Blair stops herself. "Cartier…"

"Cartier?"

"Yes! You can see what drew me in. Gotta go, bye!" Blair hangs up before Serena can say anything else.

* * *

><p>Blair spends most of that afternoon debating how to phrase the invitation to Carter. Everything sounds utterly ridiculous and she's just about to give up when she notices a blast on Gossip Girl about Chuck seeing some Brazilian underwear model. She's not even sure why she checked the stupid site anyway; it's an old and rather bad habit she should quit as soon as possible. But if Chuck is moving on, then surely Blair should do the same. Without even spell checking, she fires off a text to Carter, asking if he wants to see her walk in a fashion show this Friday.<p>

When he doesn't reply instantly, she starts to feel nervous, then stupid and then angry. She knows he's a bit of a lazy texter but this is important! When he finally answers, Blair almost passes out from sheer relief.

"Sure, tell me when and where, I'll wear something fabulous" he writes, making her smile. She readily gives him the location and time (and casually mentions that he should wear something in blue).

* * *

><p>When Friday arrives, Blair is beginning to regret her decision to go through with it. Her stomach is in knots and she feels nauseous before she even gets out of bed. Getting through school proves to be a struggle and before lunch she gives in to her old habits and throws up. It feels better than it should and she tries not to dwell on that. She wants to be the new Blair, all smiles and grace, someone who would brag about doing a big Parisian fashion show, but she's not. Right now she's old Blair, who's just been told by her mother that she's not good enough. She wouldn't be surprised if Roman has Serena flown in to do the show in her place.<p>

Roman picks her up from school and they drive to Paris together. Roman chats away happily, both in English and in French, but she tunes it out and wonders if it's too late to book a plain ticket to somewhere nicer, like rural Russia or maybe an African village. Before she can check the flights on her phone, Roman happily announces that they're here and drags Blair inside.

Most of the afternoon disappears in a disarray of clothes, makeup, hair and people running around and before Blair can truly process it, she's sitting in front a mirror in her clothes, staring into her own panicked brown eyes.

"This was a mistake" she pants, feeling like her whole body is numb. She can barely move.

"Blair, what's wrong" Roman asks as she tries to pull out her hair. "You look wonderful."

If the situation hadn't been so serious, she might have laughed at the way he said "wonderful". But it _is_ serious and she feels like throwing up again, even though she hasn't eaten anything all day.

"I can't do this" she breathes, trying to hold it all in.

"Of course you can" he reassures her, taking both her hands in his. "Blair, you are the most beautiful person here and people deserve to see that. Go be magnificent!"

"Is daddy here" she asks nervously.

"Yes of course" he says and smiles happily. "And Carter."

"Carter's here?" She knows he said he would come, but it's still a relief to hear that he actually showed up.

"Of course, cherie. He said he wouldn't miss it for the world!"

"Oh…" She nods a little. "Okay that's good, I guess…"

"Blair" Roman says in a serious tone, squatting down in front of her. "I wouldn't have asked you to do this if I didn't think you'd be good at it. And you look _incroyable_" he tells her with a smile.

Blair gives him a tentative smile in return and slowly gets up from the chair. "I can do this?"

"You can do this" Roman confirms.

When the music starts and the first model walks onto the runway, she forgets everything else and gets in line for her turn. She takes a few deep breaths and tries to calm herself and suppress yet another urge to throw up. She can do this, she tells herself, trying to repress her mother's words and the way she was discarded for Serena. Well, Serena's not here right now, _Blair_ is, and her father is waiting for her. And Carter… She wonders when he became such an integral part of her life.

The first model walks out and she can hear the music blaring and people cheering. It makes her feel nervous again; what if no one cheers for her? But then Roman appears by her side before she can look around for a bathroom and he gives her a gentle push out onto the runway and she has no choice but to just go with it. The lights are too bright and the music too loud for her to actually notice her surroundings and she imagines it's just her and the runway until she sees her father smiling at her like she's the most beautiful thing in the world and next to him Carter is standing up, clapping and whistling. She suddenly understands why Serena likes the spotlight so much.

It's over before she can even fully comprehend it and then there's the walk with all the models and the designer, but she's not nervous about that anymore and she gives the audience as bright smile before leaving the runway.

Backstage her dad is waiting with flowers and Roman gives her a big kiss on the cheek and then suddenly there's Carter, smiling at her and she feels like she might burst from happiness.

"Blair-Bear, you were amazing" Harold gushes and hugs her again.

"Very" Carter agrees, still smiling.

"I was talking to Carter just before the show and we both agree that you should go out and celebrate tonight" Harold tells her. "You deserve it."

"Thank you daddy" she smiles and looks at Carter.

* * *

><p>They end up at a club where the music is a little too loud, but Blair doesn't really care because she just wants to have fun. Carter leans in over the bar and orders them two gin martinis and Blair smirks a little because he knows her favorite drink.<p>

"Can I ask you something" she asks when she's emptied her third glass.

"You can ask me anything you like" Carter answers with a smirk and there's a hint of old Carter in his eyes.

"Where's Brigitte?"

He laughs a little and empties his glass. "Last I heard she was conquering the Swiss Alps with her new boyfriend Armando."

"You broke up?"

"I think the correct term would be that she dumped me."

"Why?"

"I wouldn't stop talking about this hot girl I used to know in New York." Blair narrows her eyes a little. The liquor is clouding her judgment and he did seem pretty into Serena for a moment…. "It's you" he states with an eye roll.

"I knew that" she says and hiccups.

* * *

><p>His apartment is dark and still a little too small, but she doesn't care as he roughly pushes her against the wall and kisses her and whispers in her ear all the dirty things he's gonna do to her. Her legs feel like jelly when they reach the bedroom and she's pretty sure Carter's shirt will never be wearable again. They collapse together on the bed in a tangle of limbs and sheets and it feels better than anything she's felt in almost a year.<p>

Blair wakes up the next morning with a familiar ache between her legs, a smile on her lips and fifteen missed calls from Serena. Lazily she gets out of bed, leaving a heavy breathing Carter behind. She looks at him for a moment, as he turns a little, and thinks he looks unbelievably angelic in his sleep. It's almost uncanny.

She stretches and checks her phone again, scrolling through her call list. Fifteen missed calls from Serena, four from Nate and one from Chuck.

"Someone must have died" she tells herself and dials Serena's number, not caring it's probably like three in the morning in New York. Serena answers on the second ring.

"Blair?"

"Serena, what's going on" Blair yawns, stretching a little on the chair. Her body feels pleasurably tired and worn out.

"What's going on" Serena almost yells into the phone. "Carter, Blair! Carter is what's going on!"

Blair almost falls off the chair. "What? How do…"

"I know? Because it's all over Gossip Girl, Blair! What on earth could posses you to spend time with Carter? What's he even doing in Paris?"

"How can it be all over Gossip Girl" Blair demands to know while simultaneously trying to turn on Carter's laptop. It's one of those ridiculously overprized but very stylish ones with an apple on the back and she has no idea how to use it.

"Penelope's sister Helena was at the fashion show and saw you. Seriously Blair, is Carter the guy you were talking about?"

Blair slumps back in the chair with a sigh. "Yes." She can hear Serena sigh on the other end as well.

"Blair…"

"Please don't! Whatever you want to say, I've told myself already!"

"Then why are you still seeing him?"

"Serena, he's different."

"He's Carter! You probably just met one of his nicer personalities!"

Blair finally manages to get the computer working and finds Gossip Girl: _"Spotted: Our exiled Queen B making her runway debut in Paris, strutting her stuff for the world to see. Also spotted? Carter Baizen cheering her on. Looks like Blair Waldorf might just be our Comeback Queen of the year and that she's found herself a new King C. Here's looking at you, Carter Baizen!"_

"Oh god" Blair whispers as she's done reading the post.

"Well…. At least you look great in the photo" Serena says.

"I guess Nate and Chuck has seen this too?"

"Oh yeah" Serena says. "Nate, well, was Nate and didn't really say anything. Chuck was really angry. If it wasn't Carter you were seeing, I'd say they deserved it."

"S, it's not like that."

"Then what's it like? Because I feel like have no idea what's going on in your life right now."

"I met him before Christmas in Paris and we just started talking. I told him about Chuck and Nate and everything that had happened and why I moved."

"Okay, so you were depressed and he used you…"

"Serena! Just stop."

"Why don't you both stop" a muffled voice calls from the bedroom.

"Oh my god, Blair…. Is that him" Serena gasps, as Blair can feel her face flush.

Carter appears in the doorway a moment later. "You know, if you're gonna be staying over after this, we need to talk about morning etiquette" he says and yawns. Blair has a hard time looking anywhere else than his body when he stretches. He walks over to where she's sitting and grabs her phone. "Hello Serena, goodbye Serena" he says and hangs up. "Why, for the love of god, are you calling Serena at this unholy hour?"

"It's nine" Blair tells him.

"On a Saturday! What did Serena want?"

Blair turns the computer around so Carter can see and is a little pleased when he seems to stop mid yawn. "Who the hell reads Gossip Girl in Paris" he asks, studying the post.

"Penelope Shafai's soon to be dead sister Helena" Blair says. "She took the picture."

"Well, at least you look beautiful" he says, echoing Serena's earlier assessment. He closes the computer for her. "So… How big of a problem is this for you?"

"What do you mean?"

"All your friends in New York knows about… Whatever this is."

Blair thinks about it for a moment. "We're not in New York."

"No, we're not."

"So let them talk."

He smiles and kisses her on the cheek. "So, you wanna go out for brunch?"

"I have nothing to wear."

"I'm sure Brigitte left something you can put on" he says with a smirk.

Blair gasps. "That's not funny!"

He kisses her again, more soundly. "I thought it was pretty funny."

They spend the rest of the morning in his apartment. Carter surprises her by making pancakes and fresh juice and when he notices her skeptical expression, he rolls his eyes. They're surprisingly homely and it makes Blair feel both giddy and nervous. She's not sure if she's ready for a new man in her life, especially someone who is practically Nate and Chuck fused into one person.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So, mac person or not a mac person? It's one of the great questions of life, I've been told. Thanks for all your lovely reviews, it makes me want to write so much faster (which is a problem because I'm also trying to write a pretty important paper on work ethics - this is just so much more fun). Any guesses as to what's going to happen next?  
><strong>**Have a great week, all of you :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thank you so much for your lovely reviews, they're wonderful and highly addictive! This is pretty much just a filler chapter, but I think you'll see from the ending that the next chapter will have a lot more "action". On another note, I hope you're all enjoying summertime wherever you are.  
>Lots of love, Anne<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>No sleep tonight<strong>

They're sitting on the couch watching an old French movie and she's massaging his thigh slyly. It's been almost two weeks since the fashion show and their night together afterwards and he has barely kissed her since and it is driving her crazy. She's been dropping hints all week, dressing even more provocatively than usually and leaning over things like some deranged milkmaid and nothing! She has been slowly moving her hand further and further up his thigh for the last hour and making small sighs, hoping to elicit some kind of reaction out of him, but so far without luck. She decides to go for broke and moves her hand the last few inches upwards.

"Blair!"

"What?" She gives him her best innocent look.

"What are you doing" he asks with a small smile.

"Nothing" she purrs and turns to face him completely. "Unless you want me to."

"You do know we're sitting on her parents' couch" he points out, but doesn't push her away. Blair takes that as a sign and moves closer, almost straddling him.

"So? They're not home" she whispers seductively and moves a little to entice a reaction out of him. She's glad that she decided to wear a short skirt that morning. "Don't you want me?" She pouts a little for effect.

"Blair" he breathes, "you know I do."

"Then what's the problem" she asks coyly and kisses him. She can easily feel that he wants her and it spurs her on. She keeps kissing him and grinds against him until he finally gives up and lets his hands wander up under her skirt.

"I think you're a bad influence on me" he groans as he turns them over and she starts unbuttoning his shirt. She smiles and then almost purrs again when his left hand dips into her underwear. Blair's moan is interrupted, however, by a stern "ahem" from somewhere to their left and she sits up abruptly, coming face to face with her father's disapproving face. Roman is standing behind him, looking uncomfortable.

"Blair, Carter. Join us in the kitchen in five minutes" Harold says and he and Roman turn around and leave.

"Great" Carter groans, sitting up as well and fixing the buttons on his shirt.

"Well, if you would've just slept with me like you were supposed to" she hisses angrily at him.

"What? This is my fault" he asks confused.

"In case you haven't noticed, I've been dropping hints since last Saturday for a repeat performance!"

"Well I _have_ noticed" he hisses back, correcting his pants, "but I didn't want to be the douchebag who took advantage of a heartbroken girl. Again!"

Blair almost blurts out that he can take advantage of her any time he wants to, when her father calls for them.

She walks into the kitchen with Carter following despondently behind her. "Hello daddy" she says in a low tone and sits down at the kitchen table. Roman is busying himself reorganizing the fridge.

"Blair… I doubt I have to tell you that I don't appreciate walking in on a scene like that."

Blair actually blushes a little, simply because it's such a mundane and teenage-clichéd situation to be in. Eleanor was never home enough to catch her doing anything more scandalizing than watching daytime television and she didn't care if Doroto saw something. Somehow it's different with her father, she thinks. "I'm sorry" she whispers.

Harold sighs in a disappointed way. "I know that young people can get carried away…" Carter coughs a little at this, "and I know your mother has had the talk with you and I trust that you, Carter, also knows the inner workings of…" Harold gestures with his hands and Blair fears her cheeks might burst into flames. If he wasn't going to touch her before, chances are he doesn't even want to be on the same continent as her after this.

"Uh, yes sir" Carter answers hoarsely.

"Yes well… Are you at least safe?"

"Daddy" Blair bursts and she can hear Roman drop something in the fridge and Carter coughing some more.

"Blair I come home and see something like that, naturally I need to know if you're at least responsible!"

"Nothing happened" she almost shrieks.

"But something has, I assume" he counters.

"That's beside the point…"

"Blair!" Her father's voice brokers no arguments.

"Yes."

"And were you safe?" He turns to look at Carter, who is busy looking at his shoes.

"Yes, sir" he says it like it gives him great pain.

"Alright." Harold sits down. "That's good, I suppose. In the future, I would appreciate that such activities are kept to a minimum and out of the livingroom or other shared spaces. And that you continue to be safe!" He gives Blair a stern look. "Understood?" She nods. "Good. Now go clean up before dinner."

Carter wants to protest that he's not staying for dinner, but the look Harold sends him makes him clamp his mouth shut and follow Blair out of the kitchen, hands in his pockets. He feels thirteen again and like Ford Trent has just caught him making out with his daughter Lila. It was a lot less PG-13 this time, but nevertheless just as embarrassing. They stop outside Blair's room and he can see her cheeks are flaming from embarrassment.

"I'm sorry" she whispers.

"Yeah" he says, feeling like he should offer her some form of comfort but not sure if he dares to actually touch her at the moment. "Blair, what was all this about?"

She almost stomps her feet into the floor. "Is it so wrong for me to want you to want me? To want to be wanted by _someone_? And I just thought after the fashion show and that night… That you wanted me…"

She sounds so vulnerable that he can't help himself and kisses her. "I most definitely want you" he whispers. "I'm sorry I've been…"

"A jerk" she offers with a small smile.

"Yeah…" He kisses her again, just for good measure. "Do you forgive me?"

"I suppose" she sighs, but smiles.

* * *

><p>Dinner is awkward at first. Roman makes nervous French chitchat and Carter keeps staring at his salad while Blair doesn't even touch anything on the table.<p>

"So Carter" Harold finally says. "What do you do for a living?"

"I uh… Go to school" he answers slowly.

"Is that so? Where?"

"Sorbonne, sir. My father thought a law degree might do me some good." Carter doesn't add the fact about his father telling him that it only seemed logical, seeing as Carter was already so familiar with the inner workings of the law system.

"Yes, that sounds sensible. I know you father, did you know that."

"Yes."

"Henry once mentioned you were very good at sports. Do you play here?"

"Yes, Sorbonne has a pretty good soccer team."

"Really" Roman asks and for the first time this evening he actually sounds interested.

They talk a little about Carter's education and his many travels in Asia. He tries to omit some of the grittier details, although he can see Blair raising her eyebrows whenever he says something like "yes, Bangkok has a very rich culture, I really enjoyed my stay" or "no, nothing too exciting happened in Hong Kong". Carter doesn't mind though, as long as Harold doesn't ask him what his intentions with Blair are. He honestly has no answer for that!

Things gradually progress from there. Carter starts to come out to the vineyard on a regular basis, spending the night and arguing in perfect French with Roman about the merits of the German national soccer team versus the French over breakfast. Blair likes this new routine; she likes that Carter holds her hand in public, that he's comfortable with her parents (somehow, Roman has become a part of that family-unit in her mind) and that things are just easy between them. She discovers new things about him all the time; nothing big or earthshaking like a third eye, just small things she never even imagined, like the fact that he wears glasses when he's reading for school, he's strangely addicted to Grey's Anatomy (he claims he finds the cases fascinating, but Blair is pretty sure he just thinks Katherine Heigl is hot) and he likes running. The last part she discovers one morning, when he and Roman are standing in the kitchen, dripping with sweat and taunting each other about their stamina.

"You run" she asks with a raised brow.

He laughs a little. "I don't think I'd be a very proficient soccer player if I didn't" he tells her, giving her a wet kiss. She finds that she doesn't really mind that he's dropping sweat on her.

* * *

><p>Blair still has trouble connecting to the people at her school, but it doesn't bother her much, because she has a new blonde force in her life: Elise insists they go shopping every Saturday when the boys are playing soccer in the park and they talk about everything from fashion to politics (they're both decidedly anti-Sarkozy). They do fun things together, the four of them, like attending a fifties-themed dance party one Saturday night. It was Marcus' idea and Blair is reluctant at first, until Carter tells her that they have to be in costumes and then leans in an whispers in her ear: "I bet you look good on a dance floor, Blair Waldorf" in a sexy tone. He's not wrong either, although Marcel and Elise pretty much win the floor with a rather impressive twist.<p>

Carter surprises Blair again one evening, when he invites Harold and Roman to attend a soccer game the following Thursday. Blair thinks it's sort of funny (and possibly a little bit scary) how they have just settled into something very much akin to a relationship without ever discussing if they're even dating.

Soccer, Blair quickly realizes though, is actually rather boring. Only Roman seems to be completely fascinated with the game, while Harold and Blair talk amongst themselves about what Blair's plans for summer are and if she wants to invite Serena to come and visit. They're drawn back into the game when several people shout and Roman swears rather profusely in French. Blair is unsure of what happened for a moment, until she notices Carter and two other players lying on the field.

"What happened?"

"They collided, the one from the other team tackled Carter" Roman explains quickly. "There will be a penalty."

The players get up and Blair can't help but smile when Carter immediately starts to badger both the umpire and the player that tackled him. It's just so typical Carter. Blair doesn't understand half the stuff going on the field but suddenly the ball is kicked into the goal and everyone jumps up, cheering. Several of the players, including Carter, is hugging and taking of their shirts and Blair contemplates that maybe she could learn to enjoy soccer after all.

"I love this game" Roman gushes, as Carter and Marcel runs past them without shirts.

* * *

><p>"So, on a scale of one to ten, how much did you hate the game" Carter asks, as they're sitting on his couch later that day. Harold and Roman went home after the game and Blair opted to stay in Paris with Carter.<p>

"I liked it when you scored" Blair evades with a smile. "Roman did too."

"Well, as long as Roman liked it" he laments, making her smile. "I'm glad you came."

"You asked me" she says with a shrug.

"Yeah but…" He sighs. "It meant a lot to me."

Blair wonders if she should tell him that he means a lot to _her_, which is why she stood outside for ninety plus minutes, staring at a twenty-two guys running around after a ball. Her feelings for Carter scare her, but as long as they don't talk about it, she can handle them. But maybe now is the time to break the silence and tell him how she feels?

They're interrupted by Blair's phone and she lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding and answers.

"Hello?"

"Blair?" Serena's voice sounds wrong, like she's been crying.

"S, what's wrong?"

"Bart is dead! And Chuck is gone, no one knows where he is!"

Blair opens and closes her mouth a few times, not sure what to say. "What do you need me to do" she finally stammers out.

"Please come home" Serena begs.


	7. Chapter 7

**Dirty place**

It takes them three days to find Chuck, and only after they are joined by Jack, Chuck's horrible uncle (as Serena dubs him within five minutes of meeting him). Jack finds him in a seedy bar, half passed out, surrounded by a pack of women for whom the term "prostitute" would probably be a compliment and a step up on the career-ladder.

"Just in time for the funeral" Jack notes, pulling up his nephew by the neck of his shirt and leads him outside. "Home we go."

Blair follows worriedly. She has been more anxious about what might happen _after_ they find Chuck than actually finding him. Chuck had always been a weakness for her; they're so much alike that it's almost impossible for her to resist him when he comes at her.

She sighs a little as she looks at him, being frog-marched by Jack and their driver to the car. He doesn't look like he even recognizes her.

* * *

><p>They manage to make it on time to the funeral, somehow. Chuck is completely wasted and Blair has been scolding Jack the whole way to the church for giving him liqueur.<p>

"It was the only way he was going to cooperate" Jack defends himself with an easy smile that makes Blair want to push him out of the car on the highway. He's such a douche, she decides (and she doesn't use that word frivolous). He has propositioned her several times and although she was tempted when he asked her a day she was extremely depressed, she has stayed clear of that enormous bear-trap of a character flaw!

These days have been hard on her, though, and she hasn't felt this lonely since Serena suddenly just left one day for boarding school. Carter hasn't called once, and he didn't pick up the two times she called him. It hurts, but somewhere, deep in her heart, she understands. He begged her not to go, telling her she wasn't Chuck's guardian and that he should be able to take care of himself. And Blair knows it's all true, but it doesn't change her mind. She knows the real reason Carter is so upset; he's afraid she'll do something stupid. Blair leans her head against the car window for a moment as Chuck falls out of the car, much to the amusement of Jack. She's afraid she'll do something stupid as well.

* * *

><p>After the funeral they all go to the Plaza. Lily, ever the graceful hostess, has everything decorated in black and looks appropriately serene in her Chanel funeral-suit. Eric and Serena looks sad as well, which Blair thinks is mostly for show; they barely knew Bart and more than once did Serena do something just to upset him. Blair didn't really know Bart either; she figures no one really did, but she hates him anyway because of the way he treated Chuck.<p>

She finds him in his old room, lying on the bed. With a sigh she sits down next to him. It's so easy for her to read his face; sorrow, anger, guilt, resentment. The major emotions that has always been Chuck's faithful companion, they're all there on his face.

"Chuck, you're not your father" Blair tells him, gently sweeping some stray hair out of his eyes. "And that's a good thing! I know it's wrong to speak ill of the dead, but your dad was horrible. He was cruel and emotional stunted and he expected more than humanly possible from you!"

"Maybe I'm exactly like that" he says hoarsely, not looking at her.

"Never" she whispers into his hair. "You're so much better than he will ever be."

"Why are you here" he asks.

"Because you need me."

"I did so many things to you. Because I could…"

"It doesn't matter now" she says gently. And it doesn't, not anymore. She's not angry or resentful of either him or Nate anymore. Living in France has been so good for her and meeting Carter… She stops herself and pushes that certain strain of thought to the back of her mind. She can't think of Carter right now. Everything is still so confused between them and now is not about her.

"Will you stay" he asks, finally looking at her.

She's already feeling bad, but when he takes her hand and slowly pulls her towards him with pleading eyes, it's enough for her to surrender herself and give him the comfort he craves.

She lies awake afterwards, feeling even worse. When she's sure Chuck is asleep, she gets up, finds the nearest bathroom and throws up. She doesn't know what time of the day or night it is, doesn't know if there's still a wake going on or where everyone is, and it doesn't really matter. She's really messed everything up this time. She flies back to France the next morning, without explaining anything to Chuck, Serena or Nate.

* * *

><p>Harold is waiting for her at the airport, a big smile in place. If possible, she feels even worse. Her father is always so willing to think the best of her, when he should actually think the very worst.<p>

"How was New York" he asks and takes her bag.

"Okay" she just mutters, following him.

"Carter stopped by a few times" Harold tells her as they walk down to find the car. "I've offered him an internship at my firm."

"Oh?" Blair wishes she could just stop thinking about Carter altogether. It's not like he's her boyfriend or anything. It angers her that he's somehow managed to squeeze his way into his life and make her feel things she doesn't want to feel.

Harold opens the door for her. "Well, he's a very talented boy and I think an internship over the summer might help him decide what direction he's going with his law degree." Blair just nods as her father sits down in the seat beside her. "I'm very happy you two met. He seems to be good for you."

"I'm really tired" Blair say in an almost whisper, effectively stopping the conversation.

* * *

><p>Blair wants to avoid Carter for as long as possible, and he seems oddly content to let her, but in the end the guilt threatens to eat her up and both Harold and Roman have noticed the dark circles under her eyes. She calls him a week after having arrived back at the vineyard, but he doesn't pick up and she ends up asking his answering machine to meet her at Cafés Verlet that Friday at noon. She doesn't want to go school so it seems better to just see him.<p>

He slides into a chair opposite her a few seconds past twelve, looking tired but otherwise impeccable. It such a dramatic change from state of Chuck and she ponders about the two great C's in her life; Chuck, who have always been so lost in life and needs her like a drowning man needs a line. They're so much alike, her and Chuck, with their enormous talent for lies, deceit and general destruction, and for a moment there, they had something truly magnificent, until Chuck ruined it. Carter, on the other hand, doesn't need her like Chuck does. Carter has lived more in his twenty-one years of life than most people do in an entire lifetime. He's seen the world, done horrible things, been so lost and yet found his way back to life and moved on like a grown up. He's a more complete person than Chuck, Blair thinks, but complete doesn't necessary mean better.

"You called" he notes.

"Yes…"

They sit opposite each other for a short while, neither willing to open the conversation. A waitress walks by them, putting down the two cups of coffee Blair ordered before he showed up.

"I slept with Chuck." It's like the words fly out of her mouth on their own accord.

Carter raises an eyebrow at her and his hand and the coffee cup stops somewhere midway between the table and his mouth. "I'm pretty sure I didn't ask."

"Now you know."

The left side of his upper lip curls a little. "Yes, now I know."

Blair looks at her coffee but she doesn't want it anymore. "He needed me."

"He always does, somehow." He might as well have hit her over the head with a chair.

Blair backgears into Blair-mode and snaps back: "Well, it wasn't like we were anything serious. We never talked about it." It sounds sort of petty, even to her, because they were real, even though they never voiced it. It was more real than anything Blair has ever experienced.

The lip curls even more, forming an almost-smile now. "That's funny" he mutters, staring at the cup that's still stuck somewhere between his mouth and the table. "Because I just thought we didn't need to talk about it, because we _were_ serious." She bites her lip and looks away. "I guess I was wrong."

"I guess so" she clips, but it sounds more pathetic than final.

"I think you should leave now" he says slowly, after a few more moments of awkward silence.

Blair contemplates this. She hasn't said half of the things she planned to tell him (like how sorry she was, that it didn't mean anything, although that's a lie, and that she wants him, _only_ him). If she leaves now, she'll never be able to say those things. So she stays.

Carter sighs and finally put down the cup. "Alright, I'll leave then." He stands up, looking down at her (Blair thinks this is cruelly symbolic) and she notes how worn out he looks all of the sudden. Tired and hurt, she thinks. Just like she is. "You take care, Blair."

* * *

><p>Blair stays in France only long enough to finish her semester and then leaves on the first flight out. She hasn't told Harold or Roman anything, but they guess that something happened in New York and when Carter abruptly stops coming by when she returns, there's no doubt that something happened. Harold tries to talk to her about it, but Blair is reluctant and in the end he leaves it alone. She overhears a conversation he has with Eleanor about her where they agree it would be best for her to return home to New York. Blair couldn't agree more.<p>

Everything about France suddenly reminds her of Carter and it hurts more than she's willing to admit, which only makes everything much more painful. Because she never really admitted how much she liked him, maybe even loved him, and now it hits her like a house flying in from Kansas. It hurts so much she sometimes think her heart might just stop beating.

* * *

><p>New York is the same, really, so she stays in bed for days on end (it's not like she has anywhere to be anyway), hiding from the world and her emotions. She hasn't told anyone she's back home, although she's pretty sure Gossip Girl has already made sure all the right (or wrong, depending on how you look at it) people know.<p>

"Blair, don't you think you've had quite enough of this moping now" Eleanor asks in her sharp usual tone on the third day.

Blair doesn't respond, just reaches out and takes a sensitive sip of the juice Eleanor brought with her before lying down again.

"You look like a homeless person!"

"Okay" Blair just mutters, staring at the wall. She hardly cares about her appearances; who's going to see her lying in her bed anyway?

"Is this about that Carter boy" Eleanor finally asks exasperated and Blair have to close her eyes for a moment to stop the tears.

"Carter who" she just say, willing her heart to beat again.

* * *

><p>Eleanor gives up and Blair continues to just lie in bed, staring at the wall. She has no idea how long this goes on, it feels like a year or more, and then suddenly she can hear her mother's voice outside.<p>

"Thank god you're here. Maybe you can figure out what's going on."

"I'll do my best, Eleanor" a warm voice promises and before Blair knows it, she enveloped in Serena's flowery perfume as her best friend lays down next to her on the bed, wrapping an arm around her. "What happened?"

"We broke up" Blair says. She can't lie to Serena, even though she thinks her lungs might collapse as she says the words.

"I'm sorry" Serena just says. No judgment, no reprimands, and Blair finally cries.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I'm completely screwing with the show's timeline, but I hope you'll forgive me. More to come soon. In the meantime, review and make me happy.**


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